So a little morbid on the title for those who get the reference. I wanted to write this post before I decided not to again. So. Here it is.
No easy way to say this but these past couple months have been hard. I've gained weight, fallen behind where I wanted to be in Kung Fu and just generally been feeling down. Okay that's not all. Forgive me for jumping around the subject I am just not super good at opening up right now and this next little bit gets personal.
My grandfather passed away last month. On my husband's and I wedding anniversary. He had been declining for a while but it was sepsis, blood poisoning that got him in the end. He held on long enough to say good by to family and then he was gone. His children were with him till the end. He went peacefully. I miss him. My daughter still looks for him when she goes over to my parents. He's gone but not really. I feel echoes of him in the house. Always thinking that he was going to shuffle around the corner, give extra food to the dog, comment "she's growing like a bad weed" about Mackenzies height.
And then this month happened
My grandmother passed away this week. on Tuesday. On my husbands birthday. She had been declining with dementia for a bit, but when my grandfather was no longer visiting her she went downhill fast. She was clear in her intention that she wanted to see her husband again. She also went in her sleep, surrounded and visited by family.
Grandmas death hits in a way that I didn't think it would. It feels unreal, and it might be a little harder for me because she lived at the care centre I work at and this was my first day back at work since grandma passed. Everyone knew and everyone gave condolences. I know their intentions meant well but it still felt like they were giving me condolences for something that still doesn't feel real.
Anyway I guess I just needed to get this off my chest and let you guys know where I was all at. I feel stressed and anxious and not just about Christmas this time of year.
I know this was a heavy topic to touch on and I'm sure this will be a happy Christmas even with the passing of two amazing and wonderful people. Thanks for reading and I hope that everyone has a wonderful rest of the week.
