Wow. Tonight was an eye opener. I immediately went home and watched the Just DO IT meme with Shia Labeouf. It kind of made me feel better. And it basically says what I am doing. I say I'll do it tomorrow NO! DO IT TODAY! THATS WHAT I WANT! I want to do it today. I KNOW that I'll feel better if I do it today! Thinking about it is not enough!
I'm not sure if it has always been this way with me but I constantly feel like I am never doing enough and then never changing the habit and then when the going gets tough I get going. I know what I want to do. I know what Kung Fu has done for me. I keep coming for a reason. But it never feels like I involve myself enough in what I am doing. I always am the first to quit. And tonight was the swift kick in the butt this year that I know that I haven't done enough and I could do more.
I have been considering quitting the I Ho Chuan in the next year. Like its a small chant I have been repeating in my head. "you cant do it next year you have a baby commitment. You cant do it next year you restart work, you'll still have Kung Fu so not a total loss " But when Sifu Brinker talked about that it would relieve stress but only temporarily, I felt that in the core of my being. Because looking back that's all I've done. Justify to myself that its best if I let things go because it would be easier. And don't get me wrong some of the things have been good to drop because I was in toxic environments and I was not improving and I was losing myself little by little. But I know that I will not feel that with dropping out of the I Ho Chuan. I have become a better person, pandemic or not for being in I Ho Chuan, with all of you. I've never had people fully believe in what I can do in a program as everybody who had encouraged me in Silent River. And I know that giving up is default. I know that's the safest option, the easiest option. But I don't want that. I want to continue and grow and learn and experience. I want to pick myself up over and over again and know each time that it is going to get better. Because it has. So I know it will.
Thanks for reading my rant. I hope everybody walked away with the same level of inspiration I did. And I hope I have the courage to join the Tiger. Night everyone.
P.S. Here is Mr. Labeouf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0
